Fashion means nothing if you don’t feel comfortable with your body & self-image first, macaroons. I’m no personal trainer, but I am a girl who has spent her whole adult life struggling with weight & body image. I’m also a girl who took control of those insecurities & lost almost 60 (!!!) lbs (180 to almost 120!). I’d like to share some tips & ideas with you, macaroons, from one real person who’s been there.
Do the bump!
Exercise (Yes, You Have To):
There’s really no good excuse not to work out at least 3 times a week, macaroons. Join a program or get a gym membership. You’re investing in your health, your body & your self-image. It’s worth it. Find a method of exercise that works for you. By works I mean pick something you will stick with. It’s much harder to skip your workout if you’re having half a good time.
With friends: If you work out with a friend it’s harder to cancel because you’ll be letting down someone else, not just yourself. Make a date to go for a jog every day after work instead of Happy Hour. Make a game of your gym time. I like to glance over at my sister’s progress on the elliptical & then try to beat her!
Solo: Invest in a pair of those new Sketchers or Reeboks. Wear them when you’re shopping or running errands. Music is a key motivator, macaroons. You know all those songs that get you going at the club or in the car? Put them in a playlist on your iPod & try to match the beat with your movements at the gym.
Group: Some people (like me) need a personal trainer to kick their butts into gear. Boot Camps are becoming hugely popular. See if a gym near you offers something similar. It’s a great way to make friends & get the benefits of a personal trainer without the high price. I go three days a week & it comes out to roughly $10 a session (not including all the new clothes I have to buy because my body is tighter & smaller!).
Deeelicious!
Diet (aka You Really Don’t Have to Starve!):
Think about your diet, not a diet. Everyone’s body has different needs, so going on a diet designed for some insane celebrity probably won’t work for you. Diet is a lifestyle change, not something you go on for a month or so. Tune into what your body really needs. Snack on things like granola, yogurt & nuts. Eat vegetables & proteins. Skip salads for the most part. They won’t make you feel full unless there’s some kind of protein in them like grilled chicken. My favorite calorie saving salad trick is to get any dressing I like on the side & then instead of drizzling it on, I lightly dip my fork into the dressing before stabbing some greens. This will save you a lot of excess fat & calories.
If your workout is rigorous & consistent enough, you will find that most of your unhealthy cravings simply disappear. I have a sweet tooth so large, my jaw drags on the ground like a neanderthal. However, since starting Boot Camp I really haven’t even thought about sweets. My body subconsciously tells me what it needs. I find myself reaching for fruit (forgot what that tasted like!) when I need a snack & craving proteins & veggies for dinner instead of greasy, carby things.
You don’t have to regret every culinary transgression either, macaroons. You can have the occasional dessert if you want it. My favorite trick for salty & sweet cravings is to keep some saltines & jolly ranchers nearby. By the time you finish a jolly rancher or two, the craving has passed. Eat a couple of saltine crackers & you’ll stop thinking about those chips in the office vending machine.
No sucking in! That's cheating.
Results (Get Off the Scale!):
Sure, we all want to weigh less, but don’t make that your priority. Strive to be stronger. If you want tangible results, get off the scale. If you lose fat & gain muscle, the scale might not move (or it might *gulp* go up temporarily). That can be discouraging enough to put your butt back on the couch instead of in the gym. Measure your success with a tape measure around your waist & hips or by the way your clothes fit. Don’t ever buy a size too small & expect to work yourself into it. Buy the right size & get it tailored when it gets too big for you.
The other day I panicked because one of my sweaters was tight in the arms. Then I realized it’s because they’re more toned than ever! This week, all of my once tight dress pants are now too big! I have not been on a scale in over a month & it’s HOLIDAY season!
Do some construction on yourself TODAY!
Obstacles (and I Don’t Mean Hurdles & Cones)
YOU are your only obstacle. This is your health, your life & your body. At the end of the day, they’re all you really have. Why are you waiting to make a New Year’s Resolution? Why are you waiting until Monday or Friday or Leap Year? Get up & MOVE!
We had so much fun making Gingerbread Monsters over the weekend, I thought I would share my first recipe with you, macaroons! It’s really quite simple, but messy (we were covered in flour!). There’s no better way to spend a grey day than baking warm, spicy cookies!
Tools
Rolling pin (optional; we pounded dough by hand)
Cookie sheets
Cooling rack
Icing Pipers & bags (optional, but more fun; we found a set of 6 tips & a bunch of bags for under $10)
Combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, allspice, cloves, salt & pepper in a medium bowl & set aside for now.
In a large bowl, beat the butter & vegetable shortening until well-combined, about 1 minute with an electric mixer on high speed. Add the brown sugar & beat until the mixture is light in texture & color (about 2 minutes). Beat in the molasses & egg. With a wooden spoon, gradually mix in the flour mixture to make a stiff dough. Don’t worry if it’s a little sticky at this point.
Wrap dough in plastic wrap or wax paper. Refrigerate until chilled, about 3 hours (according to food network). If you’re in a rush, throw it in the freezer for 10-20 minutes until it’s stiff, but not frozen.
Rolling Out the Cookies
Remove the dough from the refrigerator/ freezer & let it sit at room temperature for a bit until it’s warm enough to roll out without cracking. Sprinkle flour on your work surface & get your hands good & powdered. Roll out the dough to 1/8 inch for standard crunchy gingerbread. For thicker, chewier monsters (preferred), pull chunks from the dough mass & pound into a disk with your fists to desired thickness. Make sure the dough isn’t sticking to the work surface (it probably is, so just sprinkle more flour down).
Using cookie cutters, cut out the cookies & transfer to (nonstick) cookie sheets. Give the cookies some space on the sheet, but if they come out of the oven Siamese twins, just perform some spatula surgery. Gather the dough scraps from the edges of the cutter & toss them back in the pile. Don’t rinse (you’ll need good, floured hands) & repeat. When we got low on dough & couldn’t make another man, we shaped the excess into little bones for Muldoon. Apparently gingerbread is puppy crack.
Bake for about 10 minutes. Cool on the sheets for 2 minutes, then transfer to wire racks to cool completely. Decorate with simple Royal Icing (& any candy bits or whatever you’d like to jazz up the buttons, eyes, etc…).
TRADITIONAL ROYAL ICING
Nota Bene: This icing becomes hard & shiny. Use immediately or store in an airtight container (those plastic Chinese takeout tupperware things work just fine) until cookies are ready to decorate. You can refrigerate it for a couple days if needed.
1 pound (4 1/2 cups) confectioners’ sugar
3 egg whites
In a medium bowl, beat the confectioners’ sugar, egg whites on low speed until combined. Increase the speed to high until the icing is firm, shiny & thick enough for piping. See? Easy. Separate into smaller bowls & mix in some food coloring for a little personality.
Fill your piping bags (don’t forget to twist up the ends to avoid backflow!)! If you can find a variety of tips, you can get different textures, create “fur” & any other monstery things. We used thin tips for things like vampire fangs & star tips for things like gaping zombie wounds.
Oh, of course, you can make traditional gingerbread men too (the monsters will need something to feed on, after all).
It was a Mark Jenkins kind of week. Click to see his work!
Well, macaroons, the coming week promises to be better than the last. I have discovered a whole new level of heartbreak: a feeling of humiliation to have ever loved someone. Exes are strange creatures, macaroons. It just makes me sad to see how far a once incredible man can fall, like Jekyll & Hyde. I’m lucky to have great friends who help me laugh through it all (Love you to pieces, Mariana!). Now I feel like I can fully give my heart to The Magician & move forward.
Picked out our first tree
as a couple, adorned it
with Penn State colors!
I don’t know when it was decided, macaroons, that eyeglasses were unsexy & only to be worn in the privacy of one’s home. That’s absolutely silly. If your face is an art gallery (& it is!), glasses are the intricate crown moldings framing the paintings of your eyes, drawing attention & accentuating the subtle tints & highlights.
Finding a set of perfect frames is quite the challenge, however. What size & shape work best? How do I make such an investment work my whole wardrobe? How do I prevent my absolutely stunning eyes from disappearing behind coke bottle thick lenses? You ask me, of course!
Face Shape
If your face is heart-shaped: Try on a few butterfly or cat-eye glasses, even round frames in lighter colors. Avoid frames with embellishments near the top as that can inadvertently exaggerate the widest part of the face.
If your face is square: Think about creating curves. Round or ovular frames soften angular faces by lengthening a square face. Cat-eye glasses also create curve & contour as well as visual interest.
If your face is round: Go for something angular! Rectangle frames provide a balanced look while slimming & lengthening the face.
If your face is ovular: You can pretty much wear any frame style. However, people with ovular faces often have smaller features so look for a frame that fits proportionally & be careful not to overpower your already gorgeous face.
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Enhancing your Eye Color
Don’t let your glasses overpower or hide your natural beauty.
If your eyes are green: Shades of emerald and jade will intensify them while contrasting plum or violet will electrify them!
If your eyes are blue: Brown hues will create a contrast to make your eye color pop! To intensify the blue, a matching shade of sapphire or cobalt should make you glow.
If your eyes are hazel: Consider green to polish up any gold in your eye color or choose a rich brown to add depth.
If your eyes are brown: Lavender or purple will highlight the color & chocolate or tortoise shell can make them look richer.
Ultra thick for the super blind!
Example: I have an ovular face & green eyes. For 10 years I had rectangular green marbled Valentino specs until a certain Muldoon ate them last week. For my new glasses, I went with a standard black Versace pair & these DKNY red marbled babies above. As you can see, it not only accentuates my green eyes, but also draws out the red highlights in my hair. Awesome!
Do you wear glasses, macaroons? What styles & shapes do you like? Do you have a pair strictly as a fashion accessory?
Everyone has their own, unique traditions around the holidays, macaroons. Some people do a seven-fish feast on Christmas Eve; some people sit on their island of misfit toys & eat peanut butter & fluff sandwiches in their feety pajamas. There’s nothing wrong with either of those things, but I started wondering between sandwich bites: I’m in my 20’s, singlish, what are my traditions? How do traditions start? No idea-bulb required: they start with YOU!
♠ Turn your holiday on its head with a fabulously Tim Burton-esque upside down tree.
So much extra room for presents!
Adorn it with little colored lights set to twinkle for an ultra-whimsical atmosphere! It’s a tornado of holiday cheer!
♠ Invite all your friends over for a First Annual Construction Party. Build a gingerbread mansion, give it a fabulously tasty name like Melty Von GooeyChocolate Manor & decorate it lavishly with all kinds of frosting & candy. Then crack open a bottle of wine & dream out loud about what your life would be like in MVGC Manor! Here is a great recipe. Adjust the dimensions & measurements to suit your creation!
♠ Organize a Toys-R-Us expedition with your friends. Act like a big kid in the store, then instead of buying each other gifts this year, pick out a favorite toy in honor of each other & donate it to Toys for Tots.
Good Ole Fashioned Non-Denominational Fun!
♠ Construct your own Holiday Crackers & pass them out around the office. Here’s a helpful guide. Fill them with candy, silly little toys or costume jewelry, noisemakers, handwritten fortunes & jokes or cartoons!
♠ Contact a local nursing home to see what they have going on. Adopt a grandparent for the holidays & bring them cookies or spend an afternoon helping them wrap presents. I think the current elderly generation has the best stories & I’m sure many of them would love a friendly macaroon to chat with!
♠ Rally the troops for a day trip to the biggest city you can get to in a couple of hours for a last minute shopping adventure! If you already live in a giant metropolis of consumerism, chart a course for a district or borough whose shops & boutiques are new to you!
♠ Put down the tube of dough & get experimental in the kitchen! Try all those recipes you’ve bookmarked on those ridiculously beautiful food & baking blogs. Here are a few of the most drool-worthy, Boot Camp motivators I’ve found.
Macaroons, I will not pretend it was a good week. I escaped a lot into Boot Camp, books, friends & movies about abusive vampire boyfriends. Hopefully the next few weeks will brighten up.
Rain falls like applause.
Made it through another day.
Encore tomorrow.
At the end of the
day, there’s always a blank book…
& a dried out pen.
There is no better
remedy for winter blahs
than dinner with friends.
Maybe Bella’s dad
should tell her to stop dating
supernatural things.
How about you grow a spine?
There is great freedom
in dreaming & you can try
again every night.
Well, macaroons, this will probably get me banned from the women’s magazine industry forever, but I dislike Sarah Jessica Parker. Essentially famous for talking to herself & wearing a pink leotard/tutu without a bra, I’m ready for her to just go away. But for some reason, she’s all over magazine covers again & I will duplicate her look for under $150 for you. Not that you really want to look like a used up barbie doll, macaroons.
Total: $141.50 Click for product information
I’m officially getting a bit weary of the sequin thing… or maybe SJP just ruined it for me. If you’re going to do it, keep the sequins in moderation. Stick to one piece- shoes, top or clutch. I know, the top & shoes work in this case, but be careful, macaroons. Otherwise, this a great casual date look! Switch out the heels for a cute pair of flats & you’re ready to be noticed running your errands!
What are you favorite sequin pieces? How would you accessorize this look?
I come from a pretty open family, macaroons. Exhibit A: My sister found my vibrator a couple years ago, presented it to our mother & she just shrugged & said, “everyone has dryspells.” Still, it’s a little weird to write about this. However, I think its important for young women to understand they don’t need a man to make them physically feel good.
A vibrator is a great way to figure out what sensations you like best & what type of stimulation drives you over the edge. Learning what you like makes it infinitely easier to guide your guy in the bedroom, therefore enhancing your sex like & bringing you closer. Everybody wins!
First, pick a trusted shop. I highly recommend jimmyjane & Babeland online & in person. It’s not intimidating to walk in there at all. The saleswomen are always helpful, friendly & nonjudgmental. They make shopping the fun experience it should be.
Step two: Play! I prefer shopping in person because you can touch, test & giggle with your girlfriends. You can see exactly what you’re getting whereas shopping online leaves you kind of blind, unless you’re super familiar with all the different materials. Also, vibration speeds & strengths differ widely. It’s good to test the various materials & settings on the back of your hand so you don’t end up spending a lot of money on bodily belt sander!
Don’t buy “top of the line” right away. Figure out what shapes, sizes, styles & sensations you like with cheaper products. Once you find a style that really appeals to you, go ahead & upgrade! Sex toys can be expensivo, macaroons. It sucks to get one home just to discover that it’s not a good fit (no pun intended!).
Here’s a breakdown of some different styles & what they do: Dildo (there, I said it)- Doesn’t usually contain a vibration motor. It’s generally realistically shaped & proportioned. They’re designed for internal stimulation. Personally macaroons, penis-shaped sex toys kind of freak of me out (weird, huh?). I much prefer “prettier,” sleeker models. Vibrator- Come in a huge variety of shapes & sizes. They vibrate at various intensities to provide different levels of sensation. Most can be used internally as well as externally. Bullet- These are mini-vibrators, about the size of a lipstick tube. They’re designed strictly for external play & are quite discreet & easy to hide!
Alzy’s Top Tips & Picks
*Keep it simple! I don’t know what all those weird attachments do, but you can probably get by with a standard model. In fact, my “Old Reliable” is a generic little Doc Johnson bullet that came as a FREE gift with something else. I no longer have whatever it was I bought…but that silly little free guy has been my longest running relationship.
*Don’t use porn as a reference. Use your brain.
*If it smells like a superball or sticky hand from a 25¢ machine at a truck stop, don’t buy it. Those jelly materials cannot be fully cleaned & disinfected. They have a very short shelf life & aren’t worth your money, in my opinion. If you’re not sure what your toy is made of, smell it. You’ll be able to tell. That smell is a huge turn off anyway!
*Hide your toys in the very back of the highest drawer under all your clothes. Seriously, the farther & deeper the better! Hide them in Narnia if at all possible.
*Clean thoroughly after use. The general rule is warm water & a soapy cloth, but some can be thrown in the dishwasher & some require special care. Check this handy guide! Also, remove the batteries before cleaning!
In my sock drawer:
Bought at Babeland. Not available there online.
Discreet, simple & fits in your purse!
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Ole Reliable! Yay!
Well, that’s not *technically* Ole Reliable. This is basically an updated version made of higher quality material. I highly recommend it.
On my wishlist:
I'm ready for something a bit different...
It will LEARN & REMEMBER the movements you like best!
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I toyed around with the SaSi at Babeland & I can’t tell you how badly I need to own this thing. It’s absolutely amazing. I couldn’t put it down!
Thanksgiving is many circles of love: Click to go see the story <3
I hope you all had a delicious holiday weekend filled with family, friends & those quirky little traditions & inappropriate uncles we all endure. It’s time to deck the halls & light your menorahs & shine your…Festivus Pole and whathaveyou, macaroons.
Slowly Fall’s bitter
breath recedes to the inhale
of Winter’s deep yawn.
No matter the grey-
scale, things always brighten if
you climb high enough.
Above the rain in a private plane
Muscles morph & stretch
alchemically at Boot
Camp run by sadists.
Grandfather mocks my
sore muscles: “Do you need to
borrow my walker?”
Turkey, stuffing, green
beans, cranberries piled high,
Grandmom’s pecan pie!
New Orleans roots, meet New York!
My ultimate Black
Friday shopping tip: Buy gifts
BEFORE Thanksgiving!
Pack your suitcase &
pick up your feet! We were not
built for standing still!
What’s more frightening
than walking into the pub
on a Male Revue?!?
Now that Turkey Mutilation Day is officially over, we can start anticipating mistletoe kisses (why isn’t it just called “kissletoe?”) & champagne toasts. With so many holiday parties, events & galas to attend, I’m sure you’re in the market for some affordable yet stunning holiday party dresses. Happily, macaroons, these festive frocks are all under $100!
Santa’s Little Helper in Sequins:
Click for product info
Sequins continue to be hot for good reason! Spice up your egg nog with some sequiny seasoning. Rawr.
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Melt the Snow with Tropical Prints:
Click for product info
The most surprising trend for the holiday by far has to be tropical prints. However, perhaps a little jungle fever is all you need to cure your winter blahs.
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Classically Chic in Champagne:
Click for product details
There’s no better way to celebrate than with a glass of bubbly, so why not dress to emulate? Accessorize with bubbly baubles & you’re golden!
What are you wearing for the holidays, macaroons? I’d love to see sets and photos of you all in your holiday glam glory!
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